Ledge of Love
by alwayscastle2
Summary: What would have happened if Castle was shot at the end of Knockout?
1. Chapter 1

_a/n: I took a break from writing Look How Far We've Come when inspiration struck for this story...It's already completed so I will be posting a new chapter every other day. I've had this one in the back of my head for awhile now and was so glad to finally write it down. I hope you all enjoy! I'll be back to writing LHFWC soon to those of you who are waiting. As always special thanks to **burningxredxcaskett** for reading this story through for me - you rock! _

**Sadly I do not own Castle or the lyrics to Ledge of Love.**

Chapter 1.

_Ledge of Love_

_by Jon Huertas_

_A moment of silence  
For the ones who lost it all  
For the ones too afraid to fall_

"Castle!"

She watches his body crumple to the ground and throws herself over him.

"Castle!" she cries again as his eyes flutter closed.

She bends and presses her cheek to his as his eyes flutter closed. "Castle. Rick. I love you. Rick, I love you."

She doesn't know if he hears her. She doesn't know if he's alive. All of a sudden she's being lifted from his body so Lanie can examine him. She's a mix of flailing arms and sobs and she just needs to be there with him.

Because she loves him.

Why didn't she tell him before? Why did she wait?

She loves Richard Castle.

It's a flash of moments. The sound of the siren from the ambulance. Racing down the hall of the hospital. Blood. So much blood. People shouting orders. Trying to keep him alive.

It's all a blur.

Alexis' crying mixed with her own strangled sobs. It's not supposed to be like this.

Blood. Too much blood.

And then life slows down and she realizes he's gone.

They've taken him away. She's left with his family and the boys. And she's covered in his blood.

Someone's speaking to her, but she can't focus on the sound. All she can see, all she can think about is Castle's pale, clammy face splattered with the blood from his wound. The bullet that was meant for her.

His eyes closing.

He jumped in front of a bullet to save her, and now, now he's lying somewhere in this hospital, on some operating table, fighting for his life.

He might never see his daughter graduate high school. He might not ever see her get married, or have kids. He might not ever know how she feels. Because she loves him. She loves Richard Castle, and it feels so completely and utterly ridiculous that she hasn't told him before. Every reason, every excuse that she's given herself for not acting on her feelings seems trivial. So much wasted time.

She loves him. And she's sitting here covered in his blood.

She looses track of time. Someone, she's not sure who, helps her to a chair in the waiting room. She sinks into it and rests her head in her hands. That's when she realizes the blood is still there. Dry and sticky.

The bile rises in her throat and she stands, the room spins as she stumbles for the restroom. She has to get it off.

She scrubs her hands raw, watching as the sink fills with blood. His blood. It was supposed to be her.

This thought breaks her and she sinks to the cold tile floor before she has a chance to dry her hands.

Lanie finds her like this half an hour later. Sobbing, rocking back and forth, trembling on the bathroom floor.

Lanie doesn't say a word, just lowers herself next to her friend and pulls her close, holding her while she cries.

"Tell me he's going to be okay," Kate says quietly when the tears no longer fall.

The look her friend gives her is enough to cause the sobs to begin all over again. Lanie doesn't know if he'll make it. That much is clear.

"They've got a good team working on him, Kate," Lanie whispers. "If anyone can give him a chance, it's them."

There's a knock on the door, and Josh's head appears around the corner.

"Kate?"

Josh. She forgot about Josh. Her boyfriend. The man she _doesn't_ love.

She raises her head to look at him and he smiles sympathetically at her and comes into the room to pull her to her feet.

Kate shoots a look to Lanie that clearly says, _Help_, but Lanie just shrugs and follows them out into the hallway.

They wander towards the waiting room and Josh tries to stop her with a hand to her shoulder.

"Hey, Babe, why don't I take you home? I'm sure they'll call you as soon as there's any news."

Kate stares at him. Is he joking? He must be joking if he thinks she's going anywhere while her _partner_ is lying on an operating table.

She jerks her arm away from him. "No."

The boys walk over and flank her. The tension is radiating off of Kate and they're not about to let her fight this man on her own. They're a team.

"I'm not going anywhere until I know that he's okay."

Josh scowls. "You don't know that he will be."

The words cut her like a knife. Tears spring into her eyes. They feel as though they'll never leave. Tears will become a permanent fixture to her face, and she doesn't even care. All she cares about is him. He needs to be okay. He _has_ to be okay.

"Why would you even say that?" she manages, gasping for breath, even as the boys move in closer, protectively around her.

Josh shrugs. "You need to be prepared. Why are you so upset, Kate? He's not your boyfriend. He's just some dumb writer playing cop. Better him than you."

The boys and Kate all move forward, but to Kate's surprise, Alexis gets there first. She slaps the surgeon across the face and screams at him.

"How could you say that? That's my Dad you're talking about." The young redhead is positively trembling with tears and fear, and Kate feels helpless.

Alexis raises her hand again, clearly not done, when Josh grabs her arm.

"Don't touch her." Kate moves in between the two and Alexis retreats to her grandmother who envelops her in a tight hug. She takes a long look at the women in Castle's life before she turns her attention back to Josh.

"You need to leave." She's amazed at the strength in her voice. She doesn't know where it came from.

Josh rolls his eyes. "Whatever. I'll see you later."

Kate shakes her head. "No. You won't. This - us - it's over."

Josh glares at her, and opens his mouth to say something, but stops when Esposito and Ryan move forward. He shoots one more look over at Alexis then turns on his heal and retreats.

Kate takes a shaky breath and runs her hand through her hair. She moves to where the redheads are sitting and addresses the younger one. "Alexis, I'm sorry you had to - "

Alexis jumps to her feet. "Don't. Just don't, Detective Beckett. This is your fault. My Dad might die and it's all your fault. How could you let him follow you around? He's not a cop. He's a writer. He's supposed to be safe." She's shouting now. "Did you really not see how he feels? Did you think it was fun to play with his emotions? He followed you because he loved you, and now, look at what's happened. He's all I've got," she adds on a sob and runs from the waiting room.

Kate stares at her feet, afraid to look up and into the older woman's eyes.

"Martha, I'm so sorry. I never meant for anything to happen to him. I l-"

"I know, Darling," Martha tells her gently. But her eyes look sad, like she's lost hope. "Alexis will come around. I'm going to go find her."

The woman sweeps out of the room and Kate's left with the boys and Lanie.

Kate sinks into one of the recently vacated chairs. "She's right," she whispers to no one in particular. "It's all my fault. I put him in danger."

"Honey, she's hurting. She's scared and she wants to blame someone. This isn't your fault. You didn't pull that trigger," Lanie reasons as she strokes Kate's hair gently.

Lanie holds her while she cries, and she doesn't even move when Ryan and Esposito leave to see what they can find out about the shooting. She can't go anywhere until she knows.

She wants answers but she wants Castle more.

Because she loves him.

_Thanks so much for reading! Please share your thoughts! xo Kristen_


	2. Chapter 2

_a/n: Wow! Thanks so much to everyone for all of your story love! You guys are awesome! Special thanks as always to __**burningxredxcaskett**__. She's got a new one-shot out called __**Deeper.**__..you should check it out!_

Chapter 2.

_And I'm runnin' runnin' runnin'_

_Jumpin' in to your love_

_And I'm fallin' fallin' fallin'_

_Yeah, I'm fallin' for us_

"He what?" Kate sinks back into Lanie as the doctor speaks to their group.

Alexis and Martha have gone still, silent tears trailing down their cheeks as they wait for the doctor to repeat the news.

"His heart stopped beating," the doctor repeats slowly, eyes seeking comprehension. "Resuscitation didn't work. We thought we'd lost him. But somehow, his heart started beating again. He's a lucky man. He's a fighter."

Alexis bursts into tears as her grandmother holds her tightly.

"He's alive?" Kate asks, not quite ready to believe the news. She needs confirmation.

The doctor nods again before he turns his attention to Castle's mother and daughter. "He's being transferred to the ICU. If you'd like to follow me back the two of you can see him."

Kate starts forward. She has to see him too. She has to see with her own eyes that he's okay.

"I'm sorry. I'm going to have to limit this to immediate family only right now." With this, the man turns and starts to lead the women in Castle's life away.

"Martha?"

The older woman turns and waits. Alexis doesn't spare her a glance.

"Will you - will you let him know I'm here? I don't want him to think..." she trails off as Martha nods in understanding.

And then they're gone.

Kate stands, unmoving, and watches as the double doors click shut. He's through there, somewhere, and she can't go to him. Because she's not family.

It shouldn't be like this. They're - to borrow from Rick's beliefs - destined to be together. She believes it, she really does. But why didn't she admit it before? He deserved better. He _deserves_ better.

She doesn't know how long she stands there. Doesn't know how long she ponders the what if's that Royce warned her about. But suddenly she realizes what she has to do.

She's a cop. That's the one thing she knows. It's the thing she's best at.

Right now she's of no help to him in the hospital. He's asleep and they won't even let her back to see him. So right now, all she can do is to solve this case. Who tried to kill her? Who shot the man she loves?

Kate turns abruptly, startling the detectives who have taken up residence behind her, just waiting to see if she's okay.

"Let's go," she says as she walks briskly away.

The have to jog to keep up with her deliberately long strides.

"Yo Beckett, what's up?" Esposito asks, clearly confused.

"You heard the doctor. We're not family. We're not of any use just sitting here. Besides. We have a case to solve. I'll come back in a few hours."

The boys share a concerned look between them, but follow her anyway. Beckett isn't the only one who needs answers. Castle isn't just her partner. He's a member of their team. No one messes with their team and gets away with it.

Across the hospital in an overly bright room, Alexis and Martha stand guard over the sleeping writer. The doctor has explained that he's in a medically induced coma to try to allow his body time to heal. They will try to pull him out of it in the morning if he stays stable throughout the night. But even then there's no guarantee of when or even if he'll wake up.

Martha brushes her hand through her son's hair. That stubborn piece that loves to flop into his eyes is helping to mask the translucent nature of his skin. The sight of him like this, lying unmoving, no familiar pink glow to his cheeks. The only reassurance is the steady rise and fall of his chest.

Proof that he's still alive.

Alexis whimpers as she moves forward to place a delicate kiss to her father's cheek. He's supposed to be the one to wrap her in his arms. He's supposed to tell her everything is going to be okay. He's her rock. The one person she can always count on, no matter what. He's her solid ground. Her north star.

This isn't how it's supposed to be.

His cheek isn't supposed to feel ice cold. He's supposed to kiss her back.

Tears drip from her cheeks to her father's. She wipes them away gently with the pad of her thumb, desperately hoping that he'll open his eyes, even though she knows the drugs are holding him under.

"Dad," she whispers, taking his hand. "Please. Please don't leave me. I need you." Her voice breaks here, and the sobs take over once again.

Martha feels helpless. Her son in a hospital bed, and her granddaughter trembling at her side...and there's nothing she can do. A mother should be able to protect her child. She wraps her arms around her shaking granddaughter.

She doesn't have words of reassurance to offer the young girl. She doesn't know that he will really be okay. So, she holds her tighter and presses a kiss to the top of her head.

"We have to believe," she whispers finally.

Alexis turns her tear stained face upwards to look at her grandmother, a light of hope brimming in her eyes.

"It's what he would tell us to do," Martha adds. "Believe in the possibility of magic. He has always been a believer that anything is possible. We have to believe enough for him too. Okay?"

"Okay." Alexis turns her attention back to her father. "Dad. Grams and I believe you're going to make it. You're going to be stronger than ever. I know you. You're fighting your way back to us, and we'll be here waiting when you wake up."

_Thanks so much for reading! Please share your thoughts! xo Kristen_


	3. Chapter 3

_a/n: Thanks so much to everyone who has read, reviewed, pm'd, and followed this story. You guys are amazing! Special thanks to __**burningxredxcaskett**__ for the read through! Hope you all enjoy the next chapter..._

Chapter 3.

_No one can talk me down, no one can talk me down_

_No one can talk me down, I'm on this ledge of love_

That night, thankfully, is uneventful. Alexis and Martha hold vigil at Rick's bedside, both women startling from sleep every so often from nightmares. Nightmares where Rick isn't quite so lucky. Nightmares where he doesn't survive.

Alexis has the same nightmare. Over and over again. Her dad leaps a millisecond earlier and he's dead before he hits the ground. There's nothing anyone can do. It takes both detectives, Ryan and Esposito to hold her back, to keep her from launching herself at his lifeless body.

With a strangled gasp Alexis pulls herself from that world, the world where her father is gone, and she's relieved to see that there is sunlight pouring in through the windows. Her heart is racing as she realizes her hand is wrapped tightly in her father's. She watches the steady rise and fall of his chest and a wave of relief cascades over her.

He made it through the night.

She sobs with relief, even though she knows he's still not awake yet. Her hand shakes within his, and she freezes when she feels a slight pressure against her palm. He's – he's actually trying to squeeze her hand.

"Dad! Dad, come on. You can do it. Open you eyes. Please," she begs, leaning closer to the bed so she'll be the first thing he sees.

There's nothing for a moment. And she starts to worry that she imagined it. She worries that she wanted him to wake up so desperately that she imagined the feel of his fingers pressing into her hand. But – she looks closer. His eyes are struggling to open.

All of a sudden her gaze is met with his sapphire eyes and though they are worn with pain and sleep, they're his. And they're open. He's going to be okay.

"Dad, I'm so happy you're okay," his daughter cries and burrows as best she can into his side.

"What happened?" he whispers, his voice raspy from the tubes that had been in place during surgery to keep him breathing.

At that moment Martha walks in, two cups of coffee in hand and her breath hitches in relief. She crosses the room in two quick strides and places a kiss on her son's forehead.

"Richard don't you ever scare me like that again," she begs.

He nods slowly, before his eyes focus on Alexis again. "Can you tell me?"

Alexis' eyes dart to her grandmother who is looking at her in question. The young woman takes a deep breath and begins the story. "We were at Captain Montgomery's funeral, and I don't know how you knew, but all of a sudden you jumped in front of Detective Beckett. You were shot, Dad. You almost died…" She trails off here, a fresh wave of tears trailing down her porcelain cheeks.

He looks at his daughter, and then suddenly, it's like he's reliving that whole scene as an outsider. Almost as though he's floating above, watching it all unfold. He sees himself leap in front of Kate. Watches as his body takes the full impact of the bullet. Watches as his body crumples to the ground. Then he hears her. He hears Kate's blood curdling scream and sees her launch herself at his lifeless body. It's what he hears in that moment that makes his breath hitch.

Did she really say it? Did Katherine Beckett really tell him she loves him?

The redheads watch as the understanding and remembrance flash through his eyes. They know he knows. They know he remembers. But what they don't know are Beckett's whispered words of love.

"Kate," he says finally. "Where's Kate?"

He sees the anger flash in his daughter's eyes. But then it's gone. She's hiding something from him, but he'll get to the bottom of it later. All that matters right now is seeing Kate.

"They wouldn't let her back here," Martha tells her son softly. "Immediate family only."

"I need to see her. Please."

He's begging, and Martha's heart breaks. She knows how much her son needs this, so she nods. She'll figure out a way around the rule. She's Martha Rogers after all. "I'll call her." Martha sweeps from the room and leaves Alexis alone with her father.

Alexis suddenly seems uncomfortable. "I'm going to go run and get some coffee," she says lamely, even though her grandmother just brought some back, as she rises and moves towards the door. "Be right back."

Rick nods and closes his eyes. He's in pain. So much pain, but he did it. He saved her. And he'd do it again in a heartbeat.

Kate Beckett loves him. He can see it in her eyes as he remembers falling to the ground. But – does she really? Or was it just in the heat of the moment because she thought he was dying? He needs to see her to be sure. He needs to see if it was real.

A head pops around the doorframe and Rick's stomach churns.

_Doctor Motorcycle Boy_.

What could he possibly want? Oh. Right. Rick remembers now. He's a cardiac surgeon. He's probably checking up on him. But, he can't help the way his skin crawls as the doctor moves closer to his bed.

"You're awake," the doctor says.

Rick resists the urge to mutter _duh_. Thanks for stating the obvious. And this guy went to medical school?

Instead he nods, still unsure as to what the man wants, or what he's doing here.

"You need to stay away from her," Josh says finally.

Rick's eyes narrow. "Excuse me?" Did he or did he not just save Kate's life? And now Josh wants him to stay away from her?

"It could have been her," Josh starts. "You pushed her into finding out about her mother's case and it could have been her. You're not good for her. You make her already dangerous job worse. You need to stay away. Kate and I, well, we're happy. And I know she won't ask you to leave her alone, so I'm doing it for her. For Kate's sake, just stay away."

Rick's numb. Positively numb. He makes her job worse? She's happy with Josh? Rick thought he was a better judge of character than that. He thought he was able to bring some semblance of relief to her work. Had she actually told Josh all of this?

He feels so stupid.

He believed, had allowed himself to believe that she felt the same way about him.

He'd heard her admit as much.

It must have been because she thought he was dying.

Because she and Josh are happy.

She can't possibly love him.

Rick fights back the tears. He refuses to let Josh see that his heart has just shattered. Instead he nods. Apparently it's enough. He watches Josh turn on his heel and walk out of the room.

Josh pauses outside of the door and takes a deep breath. That ought to do it.

Kate comes flying into the room a mere ten minutes later, flowers in hand and a smile on her face.

When Martha had called to say he was awake and asking for her she had dropped her phone in relief. He's alive.

She'd broken her own rule and used her gumball to fly through traffic, only pausing briefly at the hospital gift shop to buy him the largest vase of flowers she could find.

She pauses next to his bed, waits until his deep blue eyes meet hers, then lets out a shaky, "Hey, Castle."

He's pale. Paler than she's ever seen him before. His usually large frame seems dwarfed by the large hospital bed. He looks so small, so helpless.

"Beckett," he says quietly. If she didn't know better, she'd think there was something else hidden behind his voice. A sadness, that wasn't normally there. But, the man had taken a bullet. He barely made it through the night – there was bound to be something different about him this morning.

But his eyes don't light up as she sets the vase down next to his bed. She's grown accustomed to the way they dance when they see her, to the way his face crinkles in delight when they talk. But this? This is different. There's a sinking feeling in her chest and before she even has a chance to speak again, he opens his mouth.

"I'm tired, Beckett. I think I need to sleep."

She nods slowly. "Okay Castle. I'll just sit here and keep you company for awhile."

He shakes his head. "Mother and Alexis will be back soon. The doctors will say there are too many people in here."

Kate worries her bottom lip between her teeth. What's going on? "I'll come back in a few hours then. I want to talk to you."

Rick doesn't want to have that conversation. He doesn't want to hear that she's sorry. He doesn't want to hear that she only told him what she did under duress. So, he shakes his head again.

"I need some time. I'll call you when I'm ready." And he turns away without another word.

She stands there, helplessly, numbly.

"Okay, Castle," Kate mutters finally. She can give him this, no matter how much it pains her. He saved her life. She can give him this. "I'll be here whenever you're ready."

She watches him a moment longer, praying he'll turn around and tell her not to leave. But he doesn't. A feeling of defeat washes over her and Kate turns to leave, shutting the door quietly behind her.

He hears the click of the door and looks over at the vase she brought him. Sunflowers. Bright and beautiful. A direct contrast to the pale, white, walls that surround him. A direct contrast to his broken heart.

She doesn't really love him. Josh is proof of that. The man had said it himself. He and Kate are great. She doesn't need him around making her life more difficult.

He can do this without her. He can.

He can forget he was ever in love with Katherine Beckett.

He can.

_Thanks so much for reading! Please share your thoughts! xo Kristen_


	4. Chapter 4

_a/n: I know so many of you are frustrated with Castle's acceptance of Josh's words…the only thing I can tell you is that he was drugged, in pain, and felt like he couldn't fight it anymore. As for Martha and Alexis – yes they thought Kate had broken up with Josh, but Castle didn't tell them why he was upset and may have been swayed as he was. I hope this helps! Again, just please bare with me on this, it will get better. Thanks so much to everyone who has read, reviewed and stuck with me so far! Special thanks to __**burningxredxcaskett **__for her never-ending support!_

Chapter 4.

_I'm ready to jump in _

_I'm ready to jump in_

_So ready to (jump jump) off of this ledge of love_

_3 months later._

The boys jump apart as though they've been scalded when she approaches them.

She cocks her eyebrow in question. "What's up?"

"Nothing," Esposito says, refusing to meet her eyes.

"Not a thing, boss," Ryan agrees, studying the papers on his desk.

She's not buying it.

Kate glares at them and they visibly shrink backwards, sharing a look that clearly has the men arguing over who will give her the news.

"Someone just spit it out," she tells them sharply.

Ryan clears his throat, and then speaks. "It's uh – Castle. He just got back from the Hamptons."

She freezes at his name. It's been three months. Three long, torturous months and she hasn't heard one thing from him. No phone call. No text message. No email. Not even a freaking carrier pigeon.

"How do you – how do you know?" she asks, still frozen in place.

Esposito shrugs. "He just sent a text. He's got a book signing tomorrow at the Barnes and Noble over on fifth."

Grief washes over her. He hasn't called. But he's contacted the boys? What happened to him? Why did he suddenly shut her out? It doesn't make any sense.

She nods as much to herself as to them, then turns her attention back to the murder board. She can't let herself think about him right now. If she does, she'll fall apart. The precinct isn't the place for that to happen. She has to save that for when she gets home. Where she can drown her sorrows in a bottle of wine as she contemplates reasons why the man she loves wants nothing to do with her.

The case was a tough one. But then again, all of them seem tough now that Castle isn't there at the precinct to lighten the mood and offer his wild theories. The boys tried for a while, but it only made things worse. They stopped making up stories for laughs, and suddenly, suddenly it was as though he never worked with them.

Except, he has. And that makes his silence, his absence that much worse.

Kate pours herself a glass of red wine. She realizes suddenly she hasn't eaten so she throws her leftover beef with broccoli into the microwave, even though she has no appetite. But she needs something to soak up the alcohol, so she'll eat.

She knows she needs to figure out what's going on with Castle, but she promised she'd give him time. But really, how much time was time enough?

She needs to see him like she needs to breathe. It's killing her every day she doesn't hear from him. Every day he doesn't get off the elevator, offering her a coffee and a smile.

Kate runs a hand through her hair just as the microwave pings that her food is done. She's crossing the kitchen when her doorbell rings. Her heart leaps to her chest. Could it be him? Who else would show up at her place so late in the evening?

She practically flies across her apartment to the front door and looks through the peephole.

There are blue eyes staring at her, as though they can see her through the hole, and it's a Castle.

But it's the wrong one.

Her heart thuds in her chest when she sees Alexis Castle fiddling with her hair in apparent worry or discomfort. She's not quite sure which. The expression on the young girl's face is one of pain and it has Kate wrenching open the door, fear over what could possibly have happened to the girl's father that would cause her to locate the detective she blamed for his shooting.

"Detective Beckett, hi," Alexis says the moment the door opens.

"Is your dad okay?" Kate asks hurriedly, foregoing the pleasantries she knows she should be using.

The young girl nods. "He's better. Getting stronger every day."

Kate breathes a sigh of relief and moves out of the doorway to grant entrance to the young redhead.

Alexis moves in past Kate and surveys her surroundings. The apartment is eclectic, and homey. It fits the detective to a "t".

"What can I do for you Alexis?" Kate asks finally, racking her brain to figure out what Castle's daughter could possibly be doing in her apartment.

Alexis takes a deep breath. "I wanted to apologize."

Kate opens her mouth to speak, but Alexis continues.

"I was out of line in the hospital. I was scared and hurting and I wanted someone to blame. You were the easy target. I couldn't exactly blame my dad for jumping in front of the bullet when I didn't even know if he would make it. It's not your fault Detective Beckett. You're not the one who pulled the trigger. And I am so sorry I made that day harder on you. I know you care about him too."

Kate nods. "I do, I really do. But you don't have to apologize Alexis. You were right - "

Alexis stops her with a gentle hand to her arm. "I wasn't. Dad told me everything this summer. He told me he pushed you into opening your mother's case back up. He didn't want me to blame you. He helped me understand that there was nothing you could have done. He wouldn't have it any other way. He said he would do it again in a heartbeat." The girl stops and sighs. "He just wants you safe and happy."

Kate looks at the hand resting on her arm. She never thought his daughter would forgive her. She's still confused at Alexis' words. _He just wants me safe and happy? Then why hasn't he called? He must know how I feel at this point. _She thinks to herself, watching as Alexis braces herself to speak again.

"And for the record, so do I." Alexis looks down at her feet momentarily. "I have to admit I always kind of hoped you and my dad would end up together. But, if that doctor makes you happy, then," Alexis shrugs. "We just want you to be happy."

Kate freezes. "What do you mean if that doctor makes me happy?"

"The doctor from the hospital. Your boyfriend?" Alexis looks just as confused now as Kate feels.

"Alexis. I broke up with Josh when he said all of that about your dad that night in the hospital. You were there. I haven't seen or spoken to him since…"

It's Alexis' turn to freeze. "That's what I thought. But Josh told Dad…and then I figured maybe you got back together…"

Understanding dawns on Kate. She knew there had to be a reason why Castle suddenly needed space from her. He thought she was still with Josh. He must not remember that she told him she loves him.

Kate shakes her head adamantly. "Alexis. Is that why he needed space? Is that why I haven't heard from him?"

The young woman nods and allows herself to be led to the couch where Kate sinks down into the cushions.

"He went to the Hamptons to try to heal physically and…mentally," she finishes softly. "It broke his heart." Tears form in his daughter's eyes and Kate suddenly hates that she listened to Castle those three months ago. She should have been more like him. She should have pushed and pushed until he saw that she really loves _him_.

Kate hugs the girl tightly. "Thank you."

"For what?" Alexis asks, clearly confused.

"For giving me hope. What time is his book signing tomorrow?"

"Four," the girl tells her, still unsure of why Kate looks so happy.

Kate nods to herself. "Okay. Alexis, I'm going to make everything right. I promise you that. I will."

Alexis surveys the determined look on the detective's face. "You love him." It wasn't a question, but rather a simple statement. Kate sees the understanding in the girl's sharp blue eyes that mirror her father's.

"So much," she whispers.

Alexis stands, facing Kate once more before she leaves. "Detective Beckett, don't let him give up."

"Kate," she replies softly. "Please. Call me Kate. And don't worry Alexis. I won't let him or you down." She squeezes Alexis' hand in reassurance and with renewed fervor follows the girl to the door.

With the snick of the lock, Kate rests her forehead on the door, suddenly feeling lighter than she has in months. He was hurt, that's why he shut her out.

But now, there's hope. She loves him and she will fight with everything she has and everything she is. She's not going to let him give up.

Because she loves him. And if she's lucky there's a chance he still loves her.

_Thanks so much for reading! Please share your thoughts! xo Kristen_


	5. Chapter 5

_a/n: Thanks so much to all of you who have taken the time to tell me what you think. Words can't express how much all of your support means to me! Special thanks as always to __**burningxredxcaskett**__ for reading through this story and for making me see things in a positive light. Love ya!_

Chapter 5.

_I can see my whole life flash before me_

_And baby you and I look like the perfect story_

_I won't let this pass me by_

Rick surveys the seemingly endless line before him and sighs. There was a time when these events were the highlight of his career, but now, now each fan questioning him about his relationship with the detective that inspired it all is a constant reminder of the woman he is trying so hard to forget.

He can't even bring himself to smile when a fan asks him to sign her chest. He just shakes his head and cocks his head to the sign beside him that reads, _Books Only_.

He scrawls his name and the same generic messages time after time, book after book, fan after fan. He barely glances up and the smiles he manages to conjure are half-hearted at best. Gina's already been on his case, telling him he needs to get more into character, but he can't manage to do it.

Rick has told himself at least a thousand times since that day in the hospital that he isn't in love with Kate Beckett. He almost believes it now. Almost.

But the way his heart is still breaking, the way everything around him reminds him of her, the way every voice sounds like hers, he knows his words are a lie. No matter how much he tells himself he's over her, that he's not in love, he is. And he's so very broken without the light that is Kate Beckett in his life.

He continues to sign his name, still barely glancing up, sighing once again when he sees that the line still hasn't diminished. Don't these people have anything better to do? He supposes he should be grateful. But he can't find it in himself to care right now. If his fans suddenly stop buying the books from his series, then maybe, just maybe he can stop writing the story of Nikki Heat and Jameson Rook. Maybe if he doesn't have to think of her alter ego, he will be able to move on and stop wondering, what if? Maybe.

Rick pauses when no book is placed in front of him. He closes his eyes and wonders if he's been lost in his thoughts for so long that perhaps the line has dwindled away to nothing.

But then –

"Kate. You can make it out to Kate."

A book is placed in front of him, and those fingers – he would recognize them anywhere. Long, slender, but – it can't be. Why would she be here?

He opens his eyes, slowly, and raises his head to see her standing before him. Her hazel eyes are timid, her bottom lip worried between her teeth, as though she's not quite sure what kind of a greeting she will be met with.

Rick purposefully wipes his face free of any emotion and tugs the book out of her grasp without a word.

_Kate,_

_Thank you for allowing me to shadow you. It was truly an honor._

_Castle_

Simple. To the point. In his own way, signaling the end of their partnership. The end of any possibility of magic between them.

He slides the book back across the table and looks to the next fan in line. The woman is bouncing on her feet, clearly anxious to meet him so he signals her forward.

But Kate doesn't move.

He raises an eyebrow at her, but doesn't speak.

Kate moves her head over her shoulder to send the woman who is attempting to push her way past her a look. A look that has frightened many a criminal into silence, but has this woman glaring right back at her.

She has to resist the urge to chuckle. As a fan of the man before them herself, she realizes how frustrating it is to be unable to see him, unable to look into his sapphire eyes and have him smile back.

Even when he does smile, apologetically now to the woman behind her, it doesn't meet his eyes. This isn't the Richard Castle she knows and loves. No. This is his shell. This man is filled with – misery. Regret. Sadness. Pain.

And it breaks her heart.

She hates that she's the one who's done this to him. Inadvertently. But still. She has to make things right.

"Rick? Can I speak with you?" Kate says finally, tasting blood when she bites down on her bottom lip once again.

His eyes narrow at her and he opens his mouth to speak but seems to think better of his plan. He takes a deep breath as though collecting his thoughts, then finally, for the first time since she saw him in the hospital, speaks to her.

His voice is cool, a low rumbling that lacks the pure joy it's normally filled with when speaking to her. So very unlike him.

"I don't know if you've noticed, _Detective_, but I'm a little busy at the moment."

The emphasis on the word, detective, has her fighting back tears, but she's here. She's fighting for him, and that isn't going to make her give up.

"Please, Rick. I'll wait." Her eyes are begging now, but he refuses to look at her again, his own eyes trained on the table before him.

"Just go," he murmurs quietly, still refusing to meet her eyes.

He's surprised when she listens. She turns on her heel and walks away, past the fans that are now pointing and muttering about her being the muse, wondering what could have happened between the two of them to have her striding away so quickly.

Rick lets out a heavy sigh as the petite brunette with a mass of curly hair is finally able to meet him. He plasters on a smile as the woman tells him that he's her favorite author, that he's even more ruggedly handsome in person. He poses for a picture, scrawls his name on the dedication page, and calls forward the next woman in line.

He's not sure if he's feeling relief or regret at the fact that it seems Kate Beckett may finally be gone from his life for good. Perhaps both. Because he loves her and has to let her go. He knows he does, he just wishes his heart would understand that too.

It takes another two hours to get through the remainder of the line. He's signed his fingers to the bone and flexes them in an attempt to get the blood flowing again.

Rick nods to Gina before he's able to sneak his way out the back door of the bookstore. There are too many fans waiting in the entrance, just hoping for one more glance at him and he's tired. Too very tired to put on his fake smile and pose for more pictures. He just wants to go home, have a glass of scotch and maybe a nice, hot shower to wash away the day. To forget he saw her.

He closes the door behind him and stops in his tracks. He wasn't expecting this.

As Kate waits for him, she thinks back to the previous evening, of her phone call with Josh. She'd called him after Alexis had left her apartment. She'd needed the whole story, and he was one of two men who could give it to her. She needed to be prepared when she saw Rick. She needed to know what Josh had told him.

She and Josh had argued, she'd yelled, he'd told her how stupid she was to fall for a man as predictable and self-centered as Richard Castle. He'd told her she was nothing to the writer – just another notch on his bedpost and he was only trying to protect her. He still loved her after all this time and was prepared to take her back. She only had to say the word.

Kate had laughed at that. Cold and humorless. It clearly wasn't the reaction Josh had been expecting. Instead of begging him to take her back she told him in no uncertain terms that Richard Castle was more of a man than Josh could ever be. She told him he had no right to interfere in her life and she would never forgive him for taking those three months away from them. She'd hung up before the surgeon had a chance to respond, heart racing, hands shaking with anger.

Phone still clutched in her hand she had prayed that Rick would listen to her, that he would understand Josh had meddled, and that he would give her a chance to explain. She needed to tell him how she felt. She needed to tell him she was in love with him.

She's startled out of her thoughts when she hears the door slam into the brick wall and she knows it's him before she sees him emerge. Her heart lodges itself in her throat as she sees the man she's so desperately in love with.

Beckett is standing against the wall opposite him in the alley, gaze fixed on the door as though waiting for him.

Rick's momentarily filled with panic. What the hell is she still doing here? Why can't she just leave him alone?

He schools his features, then nods in her direction as he continues to make his way out of the alley towards the car he knows is waiting for him.

"Rick, stop."

He turns on his heel and starts towards her, careful to keep his eyes on the wall behind her. If he looks into her eyes he'll be drawn in again, and he can't bear that. His heart can't handle shattering again.

"What can I do for you, Detective?"

The ice and formality in his tone stops her, and he can hear her drawing a deep breath though he's not looking.

"You can listen. Please. Rick, please look at me."

His eyes flash upwards, and he's surprised to see pain staring back at him.

She sees the anger and the underlying heartbreak. She knows she has one shot. One shot to make him see that he's the one she wants. One shot to show him that it's always been him. Always.

"What are you doing here, Kate? I don't think your boyfriend would approve of your chosen company." He hates himself for how petty he sounds, but he can't help it. He can't help the way he feels he's been stabbed in the heart. Frankly he'd rather take another bullet over this. This emotional pain is almost too much to bear.

Kate moves forward, positions herself in front of him and uses her hands to hold his face still so he's forced to look into her eyes. So he can see the sincerity she knows is radiating there.

She shakes her head. "He's not my boyfriend. I broke up with him the night you were shot, before you even woke. I love _you_, Rick. I love you."

_Thanks so much for reading! Please share your thoughts! xo Kristen_


	6. Chapter 6

_a/n: You guys are the best! Thank you SO much for your kind words/enthusiasm for the last chapter. Each one of your messages brought a smile to my face! Special thanks to __**burningxredxcaskett**__ – best friend, beta, you do it all. _

Chapter 6.

_My friends may say_

_That I'm craz-ay_

_Why can't they see, I'm right where I want to be_

He blinks at her. Surely he must be hallucinating.

He closes his eyes and shakes his head, and she stares at him. She opens her mouth to speak but stops when his voice cuts her off.

"I'm dreaming again. That's it," Rick's muttering to himself, shaking his head.

Kate narrows her eyes in worry and she reaches forward to rest a hand on his shoulder, but he steps back, shaking his head again, as though trying to make sense of what's happening.

When he opens his eyes, they're brimming with tears as he realizes it's not all a dream, that she truly is standing before him. "It's not funny, Kate. It's not. You and Josh can go have your laugh. Stupid Castle and his belief that you care. I heard you that night, Kate. I actually believed you for about ten seconds when I woke up. That is until your boyfriend came into my room and filled me in. He told me that you two were happy, that I was to leave you alone. I have. It's killed me but I have. I don't want to make things worse for you Kate. That was never my intent. I know you said what you said because you thought I was dying, but, I'm alive. I'm alive and I don't need your pity. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to go."

She catches him by the elbow as he turns to leave, effectively stopping him in his tracks.

"I meant it," Kate whispers, almost too quietly for him to hear. He turns, watches as her eyes fill with tears now. "I meant it then and I mean it now. Rick, I love you so much. And when I thought you were going to die – it just seemed so truly, utterly ridiculous that I hadn't told you before. That I hadn't admitted it to myself…" she trails off here, and the hand he feels is gripping his heart loosens its grasp.

"I had no idea he came to see you," she continues. "I've been waiting to hear from you for the last three months. I haven't wanted to push…I've kept my distance because I thought it's what you wanted. It has killed me too. I didn't know until Alexis came to see me - "

"Alexis came to see you?" he interrupts and she nods.

"She – uh…had a few choice words to say to me at the hospital. Which were warranted," Kate adds before moving on with her story. "And she wanted to apologize to me. She even wished me well with Josh. She said the two of you just wanted me to be happy."

Rick nods, tears threatening to fall once again. "That's all I've ever wanted."

She runs a hand through his hair and he stiffens under her touch, not quite sure what to do. "You make me happy. You're the only one who has the power to knock down my walls, the only one who can make me laugh when all I want to do is cry. _You're_ the one I love, Rick. You."

He closes his eyes, but says nothing.

She gives him a few moments to collect his thoughts, but grows worried when he still doesn't speak.

"Rick?" she asks hesitantly.

He sighs heavily before finally opening his eyes. A lone tear escapes and skates down his cheek before he can hastily wipe it away with his sleeve.

"I make your job worse. I drive you crazy. All I do is get in your way – I dredged up the past and almost got you shot. How could you possibly love me?"

Rick looks so broken that her heart shatters all over again. He won't even meet her eyes. Kate could kill Josh for putting these thoughts into his head, for making this wonderful man doubt all that he is and all that he's done for her.

She clenches and unclenches her fists at her side in frustration, thankful that Josh is nowhere around, otherwise she's unsure of what she could do to the man. She needs to focus on the man in front of her. She has to make him see.

Kate steps forward and her heart somersaults into her stomach when he unconsciously steps away from her. She takes a deep breath and moves forward again, quicker this time, and grabs his hand before he has a chance to step away.

He looks down at their hands as though he's dreaming. As though they're not real. As though he thinks he might just be having an out of body experience.

Rick tries to release himself from her grip, but the attempt is halfhearted at best. When he fails, when her hold on him is too tight, he freezes. Doesn't look up at her, but thankfully doesn't attempt to pull away again.

"Rick, look at me."

His gaze doesn't waver from his shoes.

Kate runs a hand through her hair in frustration and struggles to keep her voice even.

"Okay, well at least listen."

He doesn't raise his eyes, but he also doesn't try to leave, so she takes it as a small victory. At least he'll hear her out.

"I've never said those things. To Josh or to anyone. He had no right to go see you. No right at all. Sure when you first started following me around you irritated me," she pauses when he lets out a snort of derision. Kate squeezes his hand to make him stop, to get his attention. "But that lasted such a short amount of time. It didn't take long for me to see you were so much more than a writer, so much more than the man so often portrayed on Page Six. That man was all show. The Richard Castle I know is so much more than that. You're the most amazing father, you care about people with your whole heart, even people you've never met. You want justice for all of our victims, and even though some of your theories might be a little far fetched," she nudges him here, hoping for a smile, but his face is still carefully blank, eyes still refusing to meet hers. "You are an extremely valuable member of our team. You could never make my job more difficult. In fact, with you around, I actually manage to have fun. That wasn't the case before you came around. I may let you think you drive me crazy, but that's the fun. That's us. I thought that's what we did. You drive me crazy and I pretend to be annoyed."

Rick's eyes flick to her face and she lets him see the humor dancing there. She needs him to know she's serious, that he's a light she needs in her life.

There's something new in his eyes now – hope? And then, just as quickly as it appeared, it's gone and his face is carefully blank once again.

Still he doesn't speak.

So she continues.

"And as for dredging up the past – Rick. I'm so much further in the investigation than I ever thought possible. That's because of you. You didn't almost get me shot. You saved my life. At the risk of your own. Without a second thought to your own safety. You almost died," Kate's breath hitches here and she has to cover her mouth to stifle a sob. "I almost lost you," she whispers.

When he looks up this time, Kate is the one looking at the ground. There are tears cascading down her cheeks and she makes no attempt to wipe them away. Rick shrugs and realizes their hands are still entwined, so he squeezes her hand gently.

"That's what partners do."

His voice is so quiet, she almost doesn't hear him over her own ragged breathing.

Kate drags her eyes up to look at his sapphire blue ones. The hope is back again, and this time he makes no move to mask it.

"I thought I lost you and it was too much to bear. And then you just disappeared. I didn't know what I'd done wrong. I thought – I thought you felt the same. I'm so sorry Josh lied to you. I swear Rick. I broke up with him before you even came out of surgery. It was never him. It was always you. Always."

He nods slowly, but he's still so uncharacteristically quiet that it's unsettling.

"You're my best friend Rick," she tells him simply. "You're the most amazing man I know. How could I possibly not love you?"

The writer reaches forward and grasps her other hand so they're now standing face to face.

"You don't know how long I've wanted to hear you say all of this, Kate," he begins quietly.

A shiver climbs it's way up her spine at the use of her first name. It's the first time that he's used it since his shooting and it gives her a sense of relief. Maybe they're getting somewhere. Maybe he's starting to see.

Whatever he's about to say is lost though when their private little bubble is burst by the sound of cameras and hurried whispers.

Their heads whip in the direction of the sound and see a trio of paparazzi at the entrance to the alley, cameras snapping away.

It appears they're not the only ones who have noticed. A few diehard fans hear the clicking of the cameras and follow them over to the entrance and hurry towards them giggling and screaming over their luck at seeing their favorite ruggedly handsome writer after his signing.

Rick casts a startled look at Kate and sighs.

"I just need a little more time, Kate," he says and hurries off in the opposite direction before the fans can reach him.

He's gone before she can even realize what's happened and her heart thuds in her chest.

Damn those paparazzi. They were so close. She knows they were. And now? He needs more time? He's already had three months. Isn't that enough?

She looks over at the girls' disappointed faces. She knows the feeling.

Kate thought they made progress, but now she feels like they're back to square one.

She didn't think this would be easy, but she also didn't think it would be this hard.

_Thanks so much for reading! Please share your thoughts! xo Kristen_


	7. Chapter 7

_a/n: Thanks so much to everyone who has read and reviewed – you're the best! Thanks __**burningxredxcaskett **__for all that you are and all that you do!_

Chapter 7.

_And no, there ain't no turning back now_

_I gotta make my way to you_

_Still they stand there with their arms out_

_I don't wanna be rescued_

_No safety nets, no more regrets, I don't need a parachute_

Kate looks off in the direction Rick disappeared. She can't let him go like this.

Not now.

Not after they've made progress.

She listened to him before and where did it get her? Nowhere. It left him thinking she really didn't care.

Well, she does. She loves the man for crying out loud, and this time, she's going to fight.

She's not turning back now. She's not going to give him space again. She's not going to let him convince himself this was a dream, that she really doesn't care.

He never listens to her, so why should she listen to him? He needs to be pushed now. He needs to see how much she cares.

It's as though she wakes up from the mist of confusion that appeared when the paparazzi did. She shrugs off the girls who are peppering her with questions about Rick – she honestly hadn't even heard them – and darts down the alley in the direction where she last saw him.

Kate pauses, looks left and right, but there's no sign of him. There's no sign of the tall frame that should be towering over the people she sees in either direction.

She sighs as she runs a frustrated hand through her hair. She looks down at her father's watch and notes the time before she contemplates where he would go.

She prays she still knows him. Prays he'll be home, that he hasn't found a new safe haven she doesn't know of. Prays he won't slam the door in her face and tell her he really does need more time.

But she has to try. She has to push.

He's worth fighting for.

She loves him.

So she hails a cab, slides inside and gives the man Rick's address.

They pull into traffic and Kate leans her head back, closes her eyes and hopes she's not too late.

By the time the cab squeaks to a stop in front of his building, Kate's heart is hammering.

She attempts a smile when the doorman waves to her and calls a cheerful, "Good evening Miss Beckett," as he tugs the door open for her.

"Evening," she mutters.

"Should I call up to Mr. Castle and let him know you're here?" Eduardo asks.

Kate manages to shake her head. That must mean he's here. Rick doesn't need the warning. She doesn't want him to avoid answering the door if he knows it's her. "Thanks though."

The elevator ride simultaneously feels like the longest and shortest ride she's ever experienced. The floors ping by as it gets closer to the top floor and Kate is thankful that no one else gets on. She needs to gather up the courage to face him again. She needs to be able to convince him of how essential he is to her life, to her happiness. She's seen what life is like without him these past three months and it isn't something she wants to ever experience again.

He's it. He's her one and –

Oh. She's in front of his door. She doesn't even know how she got here, doesn't remember stepping off of the elevator. But, she's made this trip so many times it must be autopilot.

Kate takes a deep breath, sends up another prayer, and knocks.

For a long, torturous minute, Kate worries he won't answer. But then she hears the snick of the lock and the door swings open.

The surprised blue eyes aren't the ones she was expecting though.

Alexis freezes momentarily, clearly surprised to see her.

"Detective Beckett, hi," she says uncertainly.

"Kate," the detective corrects and she's relieved to see the young woman smile.

"Kate." Alexis moves closer to the hallway, where Kate is standing and whispers, "Did you go to the signing?"

Kate nods. "We were interrupted before we'd really gotten a chance to talk. I was hoping to see him…Is he here?"

Alexis moves back, making room for Kate to walk into the loft. "He's in his office." She points in the general direction, as if Kate could ever forget.

When Kate doesn't move, Alexis places a tentative hand on her shoulder.

"He'll come around, you know," she tells the older woman. She notes the surprise in the detective's eyes and smiles with a slight shrug. "He loves you. He might be hurting right now, but he does. Don't let him shut you out. Push like you know he would."

Kate bites back a smile. The girl truly is wise beyond her years. "I will. Thanks Alexis."

"I just want him to be happy," Alexis says simply and moves to grab her coat and a bag Kate hadn't noticed sitting by the door.

At Kate's questioning glance, the young girl speaks again. "I'm heading to Paige's for the night. Grams is in the Hamptons for the weekend, so can you do me a favor?"

"Sure," Kate tells her, somewhat uncertainly.

"Can you please make sure he eats something? He hasn't been eating very well since…" she trails off and Kate knows what it is she doesn't want to bring up – the shooting.

Kate nods reassuringly. "I'll make sure of it."

Alexis grins and before Kate can say another word is on her way out the door. "Bye, Kate. Good luck," she says and closes the door behind her.

Kate sighs and looks around the nearly silent loft. She listens for the sound of his fingers flying across the keys, for the sound of the television, for anything really, but only hears the familiar sounds of New York City rumbling quietly from outside. She sets her purse down on the kitchen counter and takes a deep breath, preparing herself to face him. Preparing herself to fight and push for the man she loves.

She walks towards his office and knocks quietly.

There's no response.

She knocks again, a little louder this time. Maybe he didn't hear her…

Then she hears him.

"Bye Alexis, have fun with - "

He freezes when she opens the door.

Rick's sitting in the chair at his desk, nursing a glass of scotch where he had clearly just been sitting, staring out the window at the street below. He's still in the outfit he had on at the signing – her favorite blue shirt, the one that makes his eyes rival the deepest parts of the ocean, though it's unbuttoned now and his tie is missing, and a pair of black slacks that she knows to hug him in all the right places.

"You're not Alexis," he mutters quietly as he sets the glass down next to his laptop.

She smirks. "Excellent detective skills Mister Castle. All of your time working with the NYPD must really be paying off."

Her words have the desired effect and he smiles.

Oh how she's missed that smile. The way his dimples appear and the grin reaches to his dancing eyes. The smile he usually reserves just for her. The smile she hasn't seen in – months.

"I'm a regular Sherlock Holmes," he counters, bringing his glass up to his lips for another sip.

Rick sets it down again, then stands. "What can I do for you?"

Kate takes a deep breath. "I can't give you more time."

He frowns and opens his mouth to speak, but she shakes her head to stop him.

"I can't give you the time you think you need because I can't lose you again. I can't go another three months without your smile, without your jokes, without receiving a phone call, a text message, or even one of your silly chain emails. You've spent the last three years pushing me when I needed it, even when I didn't want you to. It's my turn now. One way or another I'm going to make you believe that I'm in this. I'm going to make you believe that I love you. I don't care how long it takes – I'm not going anywhere."

Rick moves around his desk, to the office door and walks out of the room.

Kate stands there a moment, mouth open at the fact that he didn't even respond, until she hears glasses clinking from the kitchen. She follows him out and is surprised to see him pulling out a bottle of wine and two glasses.

He notices her staring at him and shrugs. "If you're not going anywhere we might as well have something to drink."

She grins at him, her heart loosening with hope, and accepts the wine he offers her as she follows him to the couch. Kate sits and tries to keep the frown off of her face when he sits a couple feet away, carefully distancing himself for the discussion he knows is coming. She shifts slightly in her place, attempting to move somewhat closer without actually appearing to do so. His face is carefully blank once again, and he doesn't seem to notice her move.

"I'm sorry, Rick," Kate blurts out after a moment. She didn't mean to say it. Didn't really want to start here, but apparently her head has other ideas.

"Sorry?" he asks, not following her train of thought.

She can see how he's confused. One minute she's saying she's not going anywhere, the next she's apologizing.

Kate sighs. "As if everything you've been through isn't enough, I feel like I've let you down." He opens his mouth, but she's faster. "We haven't been able to find your shooter. I've tried. Rick, I swear, we've tried, but he's a ghost."

_Oh_, he thinks. He didn't see this coming.

"I know you did."

She shoots him a questioning glance.

"The guys," he shrugs. "They've kept me posted." He winces at the pain that flashes across her eyes. Hates that he's put it there, but he didn't know she cared in those months he was in the Hamptons. The boys were the only connection he had to her and to the 12th, they were his only source to know if they'd found the man who had tried to shoot her.

He didn't care that the man had shot him. The only thing that mattered was that he had tried to shoot Kate. He had tried to eliminate her, and for that he had to be stopped.

Kate nods finally. She understands, she does. "I feel like I've failed you. The new Captain pulled us off the case, said we had to focus on the new cases that came in. But the boys and I have been working on your case every chance we've had."

He knew the boys had. They'd been careful to keep Kate out of the conversations though. It shouldn't have surprised him, even now after she admitted she really did love him, but in some place in his heart it did.

A tear slips past her defenses, then another, and another. Before she knows it she's sobbing. Muttering quietly over and over again. "I almost lost you."

Before he knows what he's doing, he scoots closer and pulls her into his arms. She's shaking as he rests his chin on her head and waits for the tears to subside.

Kate feels the comfort of his arms around her and her breath hitches when she feels his heart thudding against her.

He's alive.

He's alive and she's here with him, wrapped in his arms.

She still has a chance.

_Thanks so much for reading! Please share your thoughts! xo Kristen_


	8. Chapter 8

_a/n: Wow, you guys continue to surprise me with your overwhelming support of this story! Words can't even express how much all of your kindness means to me. Thank you to each person who has taken the time to read/review/pm – you are amazing! Special thanks to __**burningxredxcaskett**__ for reading through all of my work, both Castle and not, and for helping me deal with the stresses of moving cross-country. You rock. _

Chapter 8.

_A moment of silence_

_For the ones who lost it all_

_For the ones too afraid to fall_

_And I'm runnin' runnin' runnin'_

_Jumpin' into your love_

He knows what it is to worry about the one you love. God only knows he's worried about Kate enough. And when that bomb exploded in her apartment? He'd thought he would just cease to exist if anything happened to her.

He knows what it is to come close to losing someone. He almost lost her. More than once. He understands.

They sit together in silence, Kate curled against his chest, barely able to believe she's here with him. Yesterday she thought he wanted nothing to do with her, and now, there's hope.

Hope.

Something she thought was lost after that moment in the cemetery.

But now? Now, the hope is alive again. They may have to scratch and claw their way back to some semblance of normalcy, they may have to struggle with adapting to their new relationship (whatever it may be), but there is the possibility of something magical. There is the possibility of joy when she had thought all was lost.

Rick presses a soft kiss to the top of her head and she smiles into his chest. Maybe they won't struggle with this new aspect of their partnership after all. It seems so – natural.

She should have known.

Kate feels him take a deep breath and sigh. It's as though he has something to say, but holds back at the last moment.

She wants them to be more open with each other, wants to show him she's here, so she bites the bullet so to speak and says, "Everything okay?" before she can chicken out.

She feels rather than sees the way he frowns into her hair, trying to decide how much to share. Clearly there's still something on his mind.

Before she can speak again though, Rick shifts her to the side and stands.

"I'm gonna go change. I'll be right back." He turns and walks briskly towards his room without a backwards glance.

Kate nods numbly though he's not even there to see it. What the hell just happened? What was this? One step forward, two steps back?

She shakes her head to clear it, then suddenly remembers what it was Alexis had asked of her.

She knows his Chinese food order as well as she knows her own, she just hopes it hasn't changed.

Kate is just slipping her phone back into her purse when he strides back into the room looking far more relaxed and entirely too sexy in his low slung sweatpants and Captain America t-shirt. She bites back a smile and blushes when he smirks.

She knows she's been caught.

But he doesn't gloat. Rick just sits back on the couch, leans his head back and closes his eyes.

Her smile falters, concern climbing up her spine and clawing at her insides. The Richard Castle she knows would love to catch her checking him out. He'd love the opportunity to tease her and to make her admit she'd been looking.

But he doesn't.

He doesn't speak when she sinks back down on the couch next to him, barely even moves when she rests a tentative hand on his knee.

"Why that day?" Rick asks suddenly as he lifts his head and turns to look at her.

He still looks so broken and it breaks her heart. All she wants is to put him back together again. To put _them_ back together again, better than before. She wants to show him that she's in this – that she loves him more than she's ever loved anyone.

She knows what he's asking. He still doesn't believe her. He wants to – she can see that much, but there is something holding him back.

Kate reaches over and grips his hands, trying to communicate with this simple gesture the depth of her sincerity, then she takes a deep breath and speaks. "You were right…"

His eyes flick to hers, but for once he doesn't interrupt. She's not sure what to make of this. She's used to his perpetual need to act like a child and this mellow Castle is deeply unsettling. She wants the light back in his eyes.

"I was hiding in relationships with men I didn't love. I was scared. I felt – feel so broken still and I didn't want that to ruin us. I guess I was selfish. In my mind I figured I'd rather have you in my life as a best friend than risk losing you forever if I caused us to implode. You mean too much to me. I couldn't handle losing you."

Kate's breath hitches here and she has to take a steadying breath.

"And then the unthinkable happened. There we were, burying our Captain, our friend, my mentor, one of the most important men in my life and everything happened before I could even blink. I didn't see the sniper. I didn't notice anything off. All I knew was you were jumping in front of me and then you were falling to the ground. I don't even know how to explain to you what I felt in that moment."

There are silent tears streaming down her cheeks now and she makes no attempt to mask them or wipe them away. The look in her hazel eyes is enough to make him melt. There is a mixture of pain, grief, and love that has him once again reaching forward and drawing her closer.

"Like you can't breathe. Like your wellbeing depends on whether or not that person makes it. Like you can't go on without them," he whispers so quietly she almost misses it.

Kate nods against him, then pulls back slightly so he can see her as she continues.

"There was so much blood, Rick. It was all I could see. Your eyes were closing and it just all seemed so ridiculous. None of the reasons I had spent so long convincing myself of made sense anymore. I couldn't rationalize why I hadn't told you how I felt before. I couldn't rationalize why I was with a man I didn't love. And I was so terrified that you would die without knowing that I loved you."

She lets out a sob and falls against him. Her body shakes as she struggles to get the tears under control so he just holds her.

"That was the worst night of my life," Kate admits when she is finally able to get the words out.

Rick's at a loss for words. He didn't think anything would ever surpass the night she had found out her mother had been murdered. It took a lot to render him speechless and Kate kept doing it left and right tonight.

"I'm sorry, Kate," he says finally. "I'm sorry you had the worst night of your life, but I'm not sorry I did it. I'd jump in front of you again in a heartbeat. It's what partners do."

Rick says it so simply, so nonchalantly that she dissolves into tears again. She places a hand on each of his cheeks and rests her forehead on his. "You beautiful, wonderful man. I don't know that I ever thanked you. Thank you for saving my life. You're right, it's what partners do. I'd do it for you in a heartbeat too, but I hope we never have to live through anything like that ever again. I don't think I could take it."

He nods solemnly in agreement.

"And I'm sorry I didn't have the courage to tell you before," Kate starts again. "But I can tell you this. I'm going to tell you as often as you'll let me now. I love you Richard Castle. I'm not going to say I'm not still scared of what could happen if this doesn't work, but I'm more terrified of never getting the chance to give us a shot."

Rick smiles now, and it's the first real smile she's seen. The first smile that reaches his eyes and has the tiny specks of silver dancing in his eyes. "I love you too, Katherine Beckett."

The doorbell rings suddenly and he looks around in confusion.

"I wasn't expecting anyone tonight," Rick tells her as he stands.

Kate jumps up and walks quickly to the door before he even knows what's happening. "It's Chinese food," she explains as she grabs her wallet to get change for the tip. "I ordered it when you went to change," she tells him with a timid smile. "You're looking pretty thin there Writer Boy. Someone needs to make sure you're taken care of."

"Writer Man," Rick corrects automatically and she's relieved to see the lines around his eyes crinkle in another smile. She could get used to this.

"Oh I'm sorry," Kate teases with a smirk as she signs the credit card slip and exchanges the tip money for the bag of food.

Rick closes his eyes as the smell meets him across the room. It smells absolutely heavenly.

"Is that - "

"Beef with broccoli?" she interrupts. "Yes it is. Is that still your favorite? If you don't feel like that you can always have some of my kung pao chicken…"

"Still my favorite," he answers with a grin. "Thanks, Kate."

Kate returned his smile, sets the bag down on the counter and reaches over to grasp his outstretched hand. "Always."

_Thanks so much for reading! Please share your thoughts! xo Kristen_


	9. Chapter 9

_a/n: Thank you so much for all of your wonderful comments! You make me smile with each notification and make me look forward to writing my next story. Thanks so much for all of your support! Special thanks to __**burningxredxcaskett**__ for reading this through!_

Chapter 9.

_I see it all, From here_

_I see everything_

_From here_

_I see the end of time_

_You and I_

Kate smiles to herself as she chances a glance at the man sitting next to her. He's leaning back against the couch, take out box of beef with broccoli in one hand and chopsticks in the other. He's eating as though he hasn't eaten properly in weeks and she can't help but wonder if this is the case. She's going to have to make sure he eats better from now on.

He's looked after her for the last three years. It's her turn now.

It seems like the most natural thing in the world, sitting here eating dinner next to him on the couch, wine glasses resting on the coffee table in front of them, a Temptation Lane marathon that neither one is paying attention to on in the background, eating straight out of the take out containers.

It feels like – home.

Kate is surprised when this sudden thought doesn't terrify her. She doesn't let herself get this close to people, but Richard Castle isn't people. He's found his way past the walls in her heart and the thought of a life with him is calming, not alarming.

It's amazing. _He's_ amazing.

She wishes they did this three months ago. Wishes Josh hadn't screwed this up. Wishes she had spoken up sooner. Wishes she hadn't been so stubborn. But then she's thankful he's so understanding. She's thankful he didn't shut the door in her face tonight and thankful to see at least some of the light back in his eyes. She's thankful they're here. Thankful they're moving forward.

He looks so much more like himself now than he did when she saw him at the book signing. His eyes are much more alive and his cheeks are flushed with color, though that could be from the wine.

And he loves her too!

"What?" he asks suddenly as he gazes her direction clearly intrigued.

That's when she realizes that she's grinning like a fool in love. She doesn't even try to hide it, just smiles wider, making herself an open book, and speaks exactly what's on her mind.

"I'm just happy. Really happy."

He returns her grin and they sit there, beaming at each other, probably looking like idiots, but she doesn't care.

Rick reaches for his wine glass, draining the contents before standing. "Can I get you another glass?"

His tone is hopeful, and there's a flicker in his eyes that makes Kate think he doesn't think she'll indulge. But she has no intention of going anywhere just yet.

"I'd love one," she tells him as she stands to join him, resting a hand on his shoulder as she follows him into the kitchen.

She watches him uncork the bottle and pour out the crimson liquid, relishing in the warmth that spreads through her body. It's been a while since she's enjoyed a nice glass of wine, or any alcohol for that matter, so it's affecting her more than usual.

They're quiet as they stand at the island, both taking a sip from their glasses and Kate lets her gaze travel the room. It's the same as she remembers it, and yet, now, it seems so much more relaxing. She can see herself here, cooking breakfast on Sunday mornings, sharing the space with him.

It catches her off guard, these thoughts of the future. Before she knows it she's thinking of how her NYPD mug will look next to his on the counter, how her elephants will look on the bookshelf next to his Serenity ship replica, how their combined book collection will rival the library.

She's never thought like this with any other man she's dated. It's too soon to be thinking like this, and yet – it almost seems too slow. It's been three years in the making and she doesn't want to waste any more time. She just wants them to live their life. Together.

He's staring at her again, mouth quirked in a half smile and she blushes.

"Where'd you go?" he questions and she knows she's caught.

Kate shrugs nonchalantly but grins. "I was just thinking."

"Yeah? About?"

She doesn't want to scare him with her thoughts of the future, but she doesn't want to keep things from him anymore. They've come too far for that. She has to face this. She has to tell him what she's thinking.

Kate takes a deep breath. "The future."

She bites her lip and waits for a reaction, but Rick keeps his face blank. He looks down at his wine glass, swirls the contents gently before bringing his gaze up slowly to meet hers.

"What about the future?" His voice is even, low and quiet, and she can tell he doesn't want to get his hopes up.

But she wants him to. She wants to prove to him that she's here to stay.

Always.

Kate moves closer, wraps her arm around his waist and leans into his shoulder. He jerks slightly and she looks up just in time to see him wiping a wince off of his face.

He catches her looking and gives a one-shoulder shrug, "still hurts sometimes."

"Oh I'm so sorry." She moves to his other side and he rests his cheek on the top of her head.

Kate feels his heartbeat against her. Strong and steady and she's thankful all over again that they are standing here together having this conversation. So thankful he is alive and willing to give her another chance.

He's waiting for her to continue, so she takes a deep breath and says what's on her mind.

"I was just thinking how I could get used to this," Kate tells him as she moves slightly to the side so she can see his face. He grins timidly so she continues, allowing the happiness to radiate from her. "I can see us cooking breakfast together. I can see our coffee mugs left forgotten on the counter as we move around each other in the kitchen. I can see combining our things to make this our home. I think our combined book collection could rival any library…"

Rick laughs at this, his deep, consuming, completely contagious laugh. "I bet it could."

Then he's quiet again and she can tell he's lost in thought.

She knows this man, knows it won't take long for him to share what's on his mind and she's not disappointed. He speaks only moments later.

"Doesn't that scare you?"

Kate reaches down, takes his hands in her own, and squeezes reassuringly.

"No," she replies simply. He doesn't respond right away so she continues. "I never could have said that with anyone else, Rick. Before, thoughts of the future were enough to have me running for the hills, but with you? With you I want nothing more than a future. I can't imagine my life without you in it, and I don't ever want to."

"You know the feeling's mutual right?" he asks as he wraps his arms around her, holding her close. "Thanks for dinner, Kate."

She grins up at him and it catches her by surprise when he leans down and brushes his lips gently over hers.

The kiss is chaste, his lips are soft, so incredibly soft, and it's absolutely perfect.

They pull apart and stand there, foreheads resting together, smiling like the fools in love that they are.

Rick presses a kiss to her head and breathes in the cherry scented shampoo.

Just last night he never thought he would speak to Kate Beckett again. And now? Now they had just shared what was quite possibly the sweetest kiss he'd ever experienced, she's told him she loves him, and that she wants a future with him.

How quickly things can change.

He's the happiest he's felt in months, years even. Even when he thought there was a possibility she felt the same he never thought she would admit it and he certainly never thought she would be the one pushing them forwards.

It just goes to show, you have to believe in the possibility of magic in order to find it. With Kate in his life Rick thinks there won't ever be a day where his belief falters again.

Rick comes out of his thoughts and his smile falters. Kate has moved across the room and is holding her keys in her hand.

She's leaving. Already.

He tries to plaster on a smile, but his heart is thudding against his chest. He was going to try to convince her to stay. He thought she would, he thought they were moving forward and now she wants to leave already?

He can barely breathe.

"Are you coming?" Kate holds her hand out to him and he stares at her. She takes a couple steps towards him and grins. "I thought maybe you'd come back to my place with me, help me pack a bag. I don't really want to be away from you just yet…nothing has to happen," she adds quickly as though this is something that will bother him. "I can sleep in the guest room if you want. I just…want to be close." Now that she has him, she can't bear the thought of being away from him. She just hopes he'll understand, hopes he'll –

He speaks suddenly, interrupting her thoughts. "You want to stay?"

Kate tugs her bottom lip between her teeth nervously and glances at the ground. "I mean, if you don't want me to, I don't have to…I just thought - "

When she looks up again, Rick is positively beaming at her. "I'd love it if you stayed."

He closes the distance between them and presses his lips to hers again. It's still soft and sweet, but now there's something more. The kiss deepens and it's all Kate can do to stay standing. This man has the power to turn her entire belly to jelly, and by the look on his face when the need for oxygen becomes too much and they break apart, he knows it.

Rick kisses her once more as she attempts to pull herself together, then takes her hand and tugs her towards the door.

"What are you waiting for?" he asks somewhat impatiently, sounding more like the child she knows him to be.

Kate pauses, surveying the man in front of her before she responds. "I'm not waiting for anything any more," she says as she twines her fingers with his, following him out into the hallway. "I'm done waiting."

_Thanks so much for reading! Please share your thoughts! xo Kristen_


	10. Chapter 10

_a/n: We're almost to the end of this journey – just this chapter and an epilogue to go! Thank you so much to those of you who have been there from the beginning and those who joined in somewhere along the line. Your support means the world to me! Special thanks to my #crosscountrybff __**burningxredxcaskett**__, you're awesome!_

Chapter 10.

_No one can talk me down, no one can talk me down_

_No one can talk me down, I'm on the ledge of love_

_Don't leave me out here_

_Out on this ledge of love_

They walk into Kate's apartment and she places her bag and keys on the table in the entry.

"Make yourself at home," she tells him when she sees him looking around the space.

She knows he's been to her apartment before, but he seems to be seeing everything from a new perspective, much like she did in his space.

This is new for both of them, and yet, it's a long time coming.

She expects him to be nosey. She expects him to look through her things, pushing the boundaries, waiting for her to scold him. She has no intention of doing so. In fact, she wants him to look through her things. She wants him to know her, to ask his crazy questions, to push her for more.

But he doesn't.

Instead he moves to the couch and sits, waiting for her to collect her things so they can return to the loft.

This careful version of Richard Castle is unsettling. She's not used to a quiet partner and she's certainly not used to him not pushing the boundaries. It's what he does. It's one of the many, many reasons she loves him.

Kate surprises him by coming up behind him and placing a hand on his shoulder. He turns to look at her, waiting.

"Why don't you look around while I'm packing my bag? Feel free to explore. I'm sure you'll have questions," she teases.

He smiles hesitantly, nods and stands. "If you insist."

Kate starts towards her bedroom, but his voice stops her.

"Kate?"

She turns to face him. "Yeah?"

Rick wrinkles his nose slightly as though he's at war with himself over what he's about to say.

Kate waits patiently.

"Feel free to pack a little extra. You know, if you want," he adds hastily.

She grins at him. This wonderful, amazing, sweet, ruggedly handsome man. She'd stay as long as he would take her, and she had a feeling it would be awhile. "You know, I just might," Kate says and turns back towards her bedroom, happier than she's felt in months.

She moves about her bedroom, packing all of the necessities and strains to hear anything from the living room. He's being uncharacteristically quiet and it's unnerving.

He's supposed to be calling out questions to her. He's supposed to rattle her belongings around. He's supposed to be opening drawers and slamming them closed. But all Kate hears is silence.

She crosses to the door and peeks out. He's nowhere in sight.

A wave of panic washes over her. He didn't leave, did he?

He couldn't possibly have seen anything that would – oh. There he is.

She finds him in her makeshift office, standing next to her bookshelf, a well-worn and tattered copy of his own _Hell Hath No Fury_ in his hands. He has the book opened to the dedication and she knows what he's reading. She knows it by heart.

_To Kate, _

_The world needs more smiles like yours. Smile more and laugh often, you never know who may be affected. I know I was._

_Richard Castle_

She'd waited in line for hours to get his autograph. Two of the hours had been spent outside in the rain before they'd finally been ushered inside. But one look at the man at the head of the line had made her heart stop and caused her to forget the goosebumps that had formed from the cold. He was more handsome in person.

By the time she had made it to his table she was cold, damp, and knew she must look like a mess, but she didn't care. She was finally getting to meet her favorite author. She'd smiled at him when he looked up and gotten lost in his deep blue eyes. It wasn't until he'd repeated himself that she even noticed he was talking. He asked for her name and instead of the generic signing she had expected, written something much more personal.

Her heart had fluttered for months.

When she thought back to that time in her life, Kate can hardly believe this man is sitting here with her.

She loves the author who has saved her life more than he knows and he loves her.

It's amazing.

Kate feels his eyes on her and realizes she's been lost in thought again.

"I don't remember," he offers apologetically, undeniable sadness in his eyes. "I can't believe I don't remember."

She opens her mouth to speak, but he beats her to it.

"But I knew you were special, even then. I never wrote things like this. It was always the – _thanks for reading, _or the_ hope you enjoy_ – that's why I can't believe I don't remember."

Kate crosses to him, removes the book from his hands, closing it gently, then folds herself into his embrace.

"It's okay, Rick. Just to even know I stood out to you then is…words can't even describe…Especially since I know I looked like a complete disaster that day," she laughs.

"Clearly it didn't detract from your smile," he counters slyly and she giggles. "Nothing can."

She can't help it – she grins at him. He always knows just what to say.

"You're a wonderful man, Richard Castle. I can't thank you enough for hearing me out. I'm so sorry for everything I've put you through over the years, but I am so incredibly glad to be here with you, ready to move forward with our lives."

"It's all because of you, Kate," he admits. "I can't believe I was actually going to walk away."

She hears the sorrow laced in his voice and pulls him towards her couch so they can sit. She wants him to know that she understands the why, that she understands he thought he had no other choice.

"I don't blame you Rick." Kate hooks her leg through his in order to bring him closer. "You thought I didn't care so you protected yourself. Anyone would have done the same."

"But I should have fought," he argues. "If I would have tried to win you over, tried to make you see that I was better for you than the motorcycle man, then we would have been here sooner. I would have found out you broke up. But instead I hid in the Hamptons with my tail between my legs like a coward. I should have fought for us."

"And I shouldn't have listened to you when you said you needed space," she counters stubbornly. "Rick, look at me." Kate squeezes his hands and waits patiently until his sapphire eyes rise to meet her own hazel ones. "We can go back and forth attempting to shoulder all of the blame all night long. But it won't get us anywhere. We're here now and that's what matters. We're finally moving in the right direction."

Rick squeezes her hands back and breathes a sigh of relief.

Kate nestles herself in his arms, perfectly content to let him hold her.

"Hey Rick?"

"Yeah?" he asks as he moves his finger lazily up and down her arm.

"I love you."

She feels him smile before he presses a kiss to her head.

"I don't think I'm ever going to get tired of hearing you say that," Rick admits before hastily adding, "I love you too."

Kate can see more of these times in the future. Lazy days spent cuddled together on the couch, arms wrapped around each other, when they leave the bedroom that is.

She's more than ready for that with him. Kate allows herself a little internal happy dance at the thought of all the future will hold before she relaxes against the steady rise and fall of her writer's chest.

_Her_ writer.

She likes the sound of that.

"You want more wine?" Rick asks after awhile.

"Don't you want to get back to the loft?"

She feels him shrug against her back.

"There's no rush, right?"

He's smiling now, she just knows he is. And he's right.

There's no rush.

She turns to face him, shakes her head and pulls her lip seductively between her teeth. "We've got all the time in the world."

In fact, they've got always.

_Thanks so much for reading! Please share your thoughts! xo Kristen_


	11. Chapter 11

_a/n: I can't believe we're finally to the end! Thanks so much to each and every one of you who has read, reviewed, and messaged me…your support has been amazing! I looked forward to sharing every chapter and seeing what you had to say. I'll be back soon with more of __**Look How Far We've Come**__ – I've got vacation and a big move coming up, so please hang in there! Special thanks as always to __**burningxredxcaskett**__ for everything. Hope you all enjoy the epilogue!_

Epilogue.

Kate closes the door behind her and throws her keys into the dish on the table.

She expects to be met with noise, with chatter, with something, but instead, there's silence. She places the take out bag on the counter and wanders through the rooms, listening for some hint as to where her husband is.

_Husband. _

Kate grins. She's not quite sure she'll ever get used to calling Richard Castle her husband, and if she's completely honest, she's not sure she wants to. She wants it to be something she treasures for the rest of her life and that's exactly why she knows she will.

It's been one month since the wedding and she's still giddy with excitement over the simple fact that she is his wife.

There was a brief moment in their history where she worried they wouldn't get here – but then, when she fought for it, for them, for their love, she was rewarded with the absolute best thing in her life. Love. Love from a man she knew she didn't deserve, but a man who made her feel worthy.

She hears the tapping of his keyboard and stops just outside of the office door. It's quickly become one of her favorite sounds. It has become her lullaby at night, her music during the day.

Kate nudges the door open and leans against it as she watches her husband at work. He's so engrossed in his writing that he hasn't heard her, or even sensed her presence. He must be on a roll. His brow is creased, his nose is scrunched adorably and there is a look of absolute determination on his face. Kate smiles and allows herself an internal happy dance. This man is all hers.

The need to be close to him becomes all too consuming so she crosses the room quickly, places her hands gently on his shoulders and leans down to kiss his cheek.

She feels him grin, but he says nothing as his fingers continue to fly over the keyboard. She knows he'll speak when he can. She's grown used to this. So she waits.

Kate doesn't have to wait long. While her mind has wandered elsewhere (to thoughts of their honeymoon and the way he looked, kissed by the sun), Rick snakes his arm around her waist and pulls her into his lap.

"Hello Mrs. Castle," he beams at her.

She notes the way the flecks of silver have begun to dance in his eyes and the way his lips have turned up, exposing his dimples in the most perfect of smiles.

Hers.

Oh she loves this man.

"Hi my husband." Kate pulls him to her for a slow, sensuous kiss.

When they finally break apart, if it's possible, Rick is smiling more than he was before.

Kate fumbles with the top button of his shirt and kisses his collarbone, snaking her fingers lower before she can get to the next button. "Good stopping point?" she asks, popping open the next button.

"Mhmm," he murmurs as his hand winds its way through her hair.

She stops when she gets to the puckered skin just above his heart. The spot where the bullet punctured his skin. The spot that is a constant reminder of the life she almost lost. Kate presses a delicate kiss on the scar and Rick places a hand under her chin, nudging her upwards, only stopping when they are eye to eye.

"I'm right here, Kate," Rick assures her, startled when he sees her eyes fill with tears.

"I almost lost you," she whimpers and it all but breaks his heart.

"You didn't, Babe. I'm right here." He places her hand over his heart and covers it with his own.

She feels the steady beat, the reminder that he is very much alive. A lone tear trickles down her cheek and he is quick to swipe it away.

"I'm right here," he tells her again. "I'm not going anywhere."

Kate nods with a sniffle. She knows he's here. She knows his heart is stronger than ever, the doctor told them as much at his last appointment. But there is still that underlying fear. That fear that things could have taken a very different path on that day in the cemetery. She could have lost him. She could have lost the man she loves more than life itself.

She still has nightmares. Still wakes up screaming, thinking he didn't make it. But he's always right there. He's always there reassuring her that he's okay. He does as he did now, he places her hand over his heart, allows the beat to steady her, then he kisses her gently and wraps her up in his arms.

His presence is the only thing that helps.

Because he loves her as much as she loves him.

It troubles her sometimes that it took a near death experience to get her to admit her feelings, but she's thankful that this is where they have ended up.

They're back to being partners both at the precinct and at home, she wakes up next to him every morning, she gets to bother him with his work as he has done with hers, and best of all, they're married.

They had the most beautiful wedding at their Hamptons home. Everything was perfect.

She has a new stepdaughter. Alexis has become one of her very best friends, and instead of feeling excluded from the small family as she had once feared, she was welcomed with open arms.

It's better than anything she could have ever dreamed of.

This life – this life she never knew was possible has become her reality.

It's like he told her once – if you don't believe in even the possibility of magic you'll never find it. He helped her believe, taught her that magic is part of the every day. He changed her life.

Kate leans forward to kiss him again, eyes now dry, a smile back on her face.

"Are you okay?" he asks, still concerned.

She nods and pulls him closer. "Thank you for listening to me," she murmurs in his ear.

He smirks. "Are we talking about yesterday? Because if you really wanted me to stay in the car that badly you should have pulled out the handcuffs…"

Kate bites back a grin and swats him playfully. "That's not what I'm talking about and you know it."

It's his turn to nod. "Kate, I've told you. You don't have to thank me. We both messed up and we both tried to fix things. You're the one who pushed for this. You pushed for me to believe in us, to understand that you really love me. I should be thanking you for not giving up on me. We wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you."

Kate curls herself around him and rests her head on his shoulder. "I knew if I wanted the happy ending I couldn't give up. After all, what's a great fairy tale without obstacles to overcome?"

Rick's voice startles her and she looks up just in time to see his look of mock indignation. "Being shot is an obstacle to overcome?"

"That's not – I didn't mean - " she stammers, worried all of a sudden that she's said the wrong thing.

"I'm teasing, Kate." Rick presses a kiss to the top of her head before he wraps his arms tighter around her middle. "Quite frankly I'm surprised to hear you call our love story a great fairy tale."

Kate turns in his arms so she can see his face and shrugs. "What can I say? You've made me a believer."

He raises an eyebrow in question. "Oh really?"

She nods. "You made me a believer of great love stories, fairy tales, magic…" Kate pauses and traces the platinum band on his left hand. "In happily ever after's."

Rick leans forward and catches her mouth with his own, tugs her bottom lip between his teeth and allows for the kiss to deepen.

"I did all that?" he asks suddenly when they finally break apart.

Kate grins at him. "And so much more."

He buries his nose in her hair and takes a deep breath, inhaling his favorite scent – the cherry shampoo mixed with something he's never been quite able to place because it is so uniquely Kate, yet loves completely.

"If that's where we're at already, one month into our marriage, I'm seriously going to have to step up my game.

She rolls her eyes. Ever the man-child, her husband.

"You've got plenty of time to try to outdo yourself my dear," she tells him with a wink.

"Always?" Rick looks so adorably tousled, she can't help but pull him down for another kiss.

"Always," she agrees.

They have their always because neither one was too afraid to push themselves off of that ledge. They dove headfirst into love and never looked back.

And now?

Now they have always.

_Thanks so much for reading! Please share your thoughts! xo Kristen_


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